How to Cope with an Unwanted Divorce

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The divorce process can be a difficult time, especially if you are still willing to try and make things work. If your spouse has decided that they are done and they want out, sometimes the best thing to do is to let it go with uncontested divorce. It may be hard but if you have tried everything possible to save your marriage and your spouse still wants to be done with it, the only person you are hurting is yourself. As heartbreaking as the whole situation may be, there’s a time for for holding on and a time for letting go. If the time has come for you let go, here are some ideas that might help you through the roughest points of the divorce process.

Take it Moment by Moment
Just think about the next thing that you have to do. Of course you will have to decide on future things like the house and assets and children and divorce lawyers may advise you to come up with a plan as far as income goes if your spouse was the bread winner but that’s it. Try not to think too much about the changes coming in the very near future in an emotional way. If you need to apply for jobs or make plans, do so from a logical standpoint and put aside the emotions. In your day to day life, simply focus on your next task: finish making the bed, go grocery shopping, etc. If you do work, then throw yourself into your career and focus on becoming the best employee they’ve ever had by making each task you take on count. Pretty soon you will look back and realize that a lot of time has passed that you haven’t even thought about the divorce and you will realize you are healing.

Reach Out to Others
Don’t isolate yourself. Once the divorce papers have been signed and the divorce process is finalized, it can be easy to hole up in your house and be alone. If you have been married for awhile, chances are you and your spouse have the same friends so it can be awkward trying to find out which ones are going to stay by your side. However, some of your friends have probably reached out to you by this point to help you or check up on how you’re doing and you should take advantage of this. Go for coffee, hang out a friend’s house, be open to receiving friendship from those who love and care about you. Don’t assume that no one wants to hear your woes. While you don’t want to become completely self centered, it’s good for you to be able to talk about the divorce and how you feel about it with people who love you. They may even have been through similar situations and will be able to help you through.

Don’t Let Yourself Go
Many people use a divorce as a reason to reinvent themselves. New clothes, new haircut, new style- and this is great. While you don’t want to pretend to be something you’re not, it may be a great opportunity to really explore yourself and find out who you are. It’s a much better option then staying home in your pajamas and not showering for weeks on end. As long as you are not dressing up and getting ready to try and win back your spouse, looking your best is a great way to feel better about yourself. If you stop making an effort, you will begin to feel depressed and overwhelmed and will eventually give up. Something about waking up and showering and getting ready for the day and leaving the house makes a person feel more positive about their life. It’s a great way to ‘pretend’ you feel great. Scientifically speaking, emotions follow actions so if your actions are positive and determined, eventually your emotions will follow suit and you really will feel a new lease on life even after the divorce process is complete.

Don’t let this end your world. Your life is just beginning and if your spouse doesn’t want to be involved anymore, think of it as their loss as you move on to bigger and better things.

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